Neo-Queen Serenity and Usagi go to couple's therapy
by sailor-elsa
Summary: Neo-Queen Serenity and Usagi get some much needed help, all while making the poor therapist go crazy.


Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon

**READ**

**THIS IS A CRACK FIC AND IN NO WAY SUPPOSED TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. I HAVE TO SAY THIS BECAUSE WITH EVERY CRACK FIC COMES A 'OMG THAT WAS SOOO OUTTA CHARACTER' REVIEW. AND IT'S ANNOYING. **

**I don't know this takes place some place in the fifth season, sometime after Chibiusa left but maybe before Mamoru left idk. **

_Y'know, I don't even have words for this. It just came to me._

* * *

I'd had some interesting clients, but these two certainly took the prize. They were my last clients of the day and they were both late. I looked at my watch and tapped my foot impatiently.

I did have a life to come home to. Granted, that life was a night of romantic movies, petting my cat, and crying over a bowl of some kind of junk food, but it was still a life damn it! I looked back at my papers, the two seemed pretty normal in my opinion. Two females, girlfriends probably, who apparently were at there breaking point with each other.

Well, it sounded pretty normal. I had certainly dealt with weirder clients. A man who loved his dog more than his wife, a woman who had divorced her husband over a television program, the list went on.

I was about ready to call down to my secretary and tell her to cancel the appointment, when it happened.

A FREAKING woman appeared out of nowhere in my office. I dropped my phone and nearly fell backwards out of my chair. The woman had long blonde hair and odangos on her head that of which was adorned with a tiara, she was wearing a long white dress and I would find her rather beautiful if it wasn't for the simple fact that she appeared **_literally_ **out of nowhere.

"Oh my.." I whispered.

Just then, someone burst through the door. A girl, around the age of sixteen. She looked almost identical to the woman, only a bit younger and a lot less graceful. I put my hand over my mouth to stop myself from screaming for help.

What the hell?

"I'm sorry I'm late I-" The girl paused and glared at the woman, "Oh. You're already here."

"Hmm, I see you're late. Like always." The woman responded.

"Need I remind you that we are literally the same-"

"What the hell is going on?" I screeched.

The two looked at me and smiled politely. This was literally the weirdest thing to ever happen to me. I started looking around for the cameras, because I know that it had to be one of those assholes from my class. They were always jealous of me.

"Please sit." I mumbled, rubbing my forehead.

The two glared at each other and sit down in the chairs. They were sitting across from me and I could see that they were pretty much identical; the older one had some weird ethereal glow to her and I was growing concerned.

"Uh.. so are you two like.. girlfriends or something?" I asked, my voice growing and octave higher.

"No, I'm her future self." The older one smiled. "The Queen of Crystal Tokyo."

"My more cocky future self." The younger one snapped.

The older woman was about to retort when I held up my hand.

"Is this is a trick? Who the hell sent you two and why are you trying to make me feel crazy?" I asked.

"It's no lie." The younger one answered.

"Okay, so um.. I'll address you by 'Majesty' I guess, and you are..?"

"Usagi Tsukino." Usagi answered.

"And Tsukino-san-"

"You can call me Usagi-chan. We're all friends here.. well, we can be friends. She's not invited."

"Are you kidding me right now?" Neo-Queen Serenity answered.

"I'm sorry, I'm not sure you heard me, do you want me to say it a bit louder so you can properly hear me..." She took a deep breath, "YOU'RE NOT INVITED!"

"Just as childish as always I see."

"Oh? Really, that's mature coming from someone who slept for like an entire month!"

"THAT WAS NOT MY FAULT!"

I felt like I was watching a mess unfolding right before my very eyes. These two, who were apparently like.. the same person, were definitely not on good terms. I think that was some form of self-loathing but I definitely did not know how to handle it.

"Okay, both of you shut up for like a minute!" I yelled.

They stopped yelling and looked at me with wide eyes. How the hell was I supposed to make these two like each other, how do you make someone like their future self.

"So let's start with you, Usagi-chan. Why don't you like the.. er.. Queen?"

"Okay for starters she got me in this huge mess, right?" She began. "Like, I had to go to the future and save her and then some weird stuff happened and then I channeled her somehow, and it was pretty weird, right?"

I stared on in disbelief. I quickly wrote down _possible __drug use _on my paper.

"Anyway, so I have this kid apparently-"

"Small Lady." Neo-Queen Serenity interrupted.

"Chibiusa- I love the little girl, don't get me wrong. I mean, I even jumped off a flying circus tent to save her. But here's the thing, I have to babysit her all the time. I'm sure they have some kind of babysitting service in Crystal Tokyo, right?"

She took a deep breath and continued. "But I'm constantly having to watch Chibiusa, and she isn't an angel, heaven knows. I never get anytime with my boyfriend, and get this.. Sometimes Neo-Queen Serenity even sends me notes like 'Usagi, make sure you don't eat that food you're going to eat because you'll get food poisoning. They get to me months later, after I've already had the food poisoning. She probably fell asleep or something-"

"Oh my gosh," The Queen snapped. "What is up with you and the sleeping jokes! They get to you later because they have to travel through time!"

"Anyway, that's my problem with her." Usagi finished.

I clenched my pen significantly harder. "Okay, and your Majesty. What does Usagi-chan do that makes you so mad?"

"Okay, first let me say that I'm a Queen and me and my senshi do have important meetings to attend to-"

"Not from what I heard. I heard you like to fake sick." Usagi retorted.

"That's beside the point. I'm very busy and when Small Lady is home, I make sure to tell her how much I love her and try to make her something tasty.. but it always burns, but it's whatever. Anyway, my dear past self makes me look pretty bad. Do you know that Small Lady stuck her tongue out at me yesterday when I told her to do something, she stuck her tongue out at me. Where do you think she learned that. Also, she called her father 'Mamo-chan' yesterday, just to get a rise out of me.."

"That's creepy." I replied.

"That's really not my fault that she hates me so much!" Usagi answered.

"SHE DOESN'T HATE YOU! You're her mother!" Neo-Queen Serenity replied.

"I haven't even give birth to her yet!"

"I'm so confused." I mumbled.

"She loves you like a sister." The Queen said gently.

Usagi looked up with tears in her eyes and started wailing. The noise was probably strong enough to break my windows and I plugged my ears quickly. This was really crazy.

"I-I j-just feel so bad, I'm sorry for being so mean and judgmental. I just want her to l-like me!"

At the same time the older woman started crying as well. "I-It's okay, she does like you a lot! I'm sorry I d-dump her on you I just want her t-to have a normal childhood and b-be happy!"

"You're so great!" Usagi sobbed.

"No, you're great!" Neo-Queen Serenity answered.

They hugged and cried in unison and I sat there still in shock. I literally did nothing and they were already hugging each other.

"This is a bit narcissistic, I think?"

They kept sobbing and a question hit me.

"If you two are the same isn't it dangerous for you two to be existing in the same world?" I asked.

The two looked at each other, pulled away, and then looked at me.

"Yes, it is." Neo-Queen Serenity mumbled. "But the author of this fanfiction didn't think it through, and for the story's sake we're just not going to talk about that little detail."

I sighed and rubbed my head.

"Okay we're done here for today." I sighed.

"But we still have a few more minutes-" Usagi said.

"Yeah, but I need to make an appointment with **my** therapist." I answered.

* * *

Well that was wild from start to finish, I think.

Anyway that was a crack fic. And I have no idea where it came from.

I just finished season 5 of Sailor Moon, and I realized that Neo-Queen Serenity and Usagi would need to sort some things out.


End file.
